The Query
by LettieM
Summary: Spock asks Amanda to answer a painful question.


The Query

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't profit.

Acknowledgement: Many thanks to T'Ashalik, as always, for her for her support and encouragement, and her excellent beta. I couldn't do it without you, my friend

Spock hovered in the doorway to his mother's office. Normally he would not venture into her office when his father was present, but there was an unspoken understanding between _Ko-mekh_ and himself that she welcomed his visits to her office when _Sa-mekh_ was off-world on a diplomatic assignment or engaged in a late meeting at Vulcan Diplomatic Corps headquarters. This evening _Sa-mekh_ was involved in a VDC executive meeting, and Spock had a specific query for his mother.

He had just drawn a breath to alert his mother to his presence when she turned and smiled at him. "Hi, honey. Come on in and sit down. I could use a break from grading tests, and there's nobody I'd rather pass the time with than my favorite son."

Her six-year-old son drew his silken brows together into a frown that was almost a perfect imitation of his father's. "Mother, your statement is most illogical. I am your only child. Therefore, it is not possible to conclude that I am your favorite son, inasmuch as there are no siblings, male or female, to compare me to," he said as he settled into the chair opposite his mother's, his thin legs dangling freely several inches from the floor.

She chuckled, leaning forward to smooth a stray strand of hair, a cowlick at the crown of his head that defied all attempts flatten it with hair gel. "I know, sweetie. It's just a human way of expressing how much I love you. And yes, I know, love is an illogical human emotion," she added when she saw her son opening his mouth to respond to her statement. He steepled his fingers and remained silent.

"So, how was school today? Were those bullies picking on you again?"

His face remained unchanged, but he could not conceal the pain in his eyes from his mother. She knew how much the teasing wounded him, even though he would not allow it to show, even to her. She always knew.

"No more than usual. It is of no consequence," he replied, forestalling any further conversation on the subject.

Silence stretched between them for several moments. "Is there something specific on your mind tonight, _Sa-fu_? You can tell me anything, you know. It will be just between the two of us."

When Spock's eyes shifted toward the doorway, she understood his hesitation. "_Sa-mekh_ won't be home until very late tonight. He left a message earlier during a break in the meeting. So, what's on your mind?" Amanda asked, leaning back in her chair to take a sip of _theris masu_ from the steaming tea cup that sat at her elbow.

"Mother, I would like to pose a query to you, if I may?"

"Of course. You can ask me anything. You know that."

Spock lowered his eyes to his hands where they sat interlaced in his lap. "Do you recall our visit to Uncle Silek and Aunt T'Para's house last week?"

Amanda frowned, sensing Spock's unease. "Yes, of course. What about it? Did something happen that I should know about?" Leaning forward to bring her face to the level of his, she continued, "Does this have something to do with your Cousin Sepek, by any chance?"

His silence answered her question more eloquently than any spoken response could have.

Sighing, she shifted in her chair. "So, what did Cousin Sepek say this time?"

He lowered his eyes, thick black eyelashes fanning his cheeks. In a small voice, he replied, "Cousin Sepek told me that you and _Sa-mekh_ decided not to have any more children because I am an unsatisfactory child who has proven to be a great disappointment to both of you, and to the whole family. He said I constantly shame you and _Sa-mekh_ with my inability to control my human emotions at school or in the presence of family members, and you have no wish to produce another inferior child like me."

His mother's blue eyes flashed with anger at the thoughtless words of her son's cousin, a boy who, in her opinion, was no model child himself. "And you believed him?"

The small boy raised anguished brown eyes to meet his mother's blue ones, now filmed over with unshed tears. "Vulcans do not lie, Mother. Why would Sepek say such a thing if it were not true? Father is constantly telling me that my 'public displays of emotion are unacceptable for a proper Vulcan child'. What Sepek says must be true." He lowered his eyes to hide the pain in them from his mother.

"Look at me, Spock," Amanda said gently, lifting his chin so they were eye to eye. "What Sepek said is _not_ true. In fact, he couldn't be more wrong. You are not a disappointment to your father and me. We're both very proud of you, and we both love you very much."

She saw the skepticism in the small boy's eyes when she spoke of her husband's love for his son. It was a constant source of disagreement between Amanda and Sarek, the question of how to raise this brilliant but troubled young child. He insisted on rigid adherence to traditional Vulcan methods of child rearing to mold their small son into a "proper Vulcan boy."

She agreed that the most logical course of action was to raise Spock as a Vulcan child, but her loving human mother's heart knew that some allowance needed to be made for his human half. As often as she could, in as many subtle ways as she could, she tried always to show her son how much she loved him, what a special child he truly was.

"It may be hard for you to believe, Spock, but it's true. Your father does cherish you, more than you'll ever know. He is very concerned about your welfare and your future. He wants you to be fully accepted in Vulcan society as the exceptional person you really are when you're an adult. That's precisely why he's so hard on you sometimes."

"But, Mother, if what you say is true, then why have you and _Sa-mekh_ not had other children? I would like to have a little brother or sister. Then I would not be the only half-breed child on this planet. I would no longer be so alone."

Amanda's eyes widened in horror. "Is that what Cousin Sepek called you, a 'half-breed'? That's completely unacceptable. I've had it with that little brat. I'm going to contact Silek on the comm-unit right now and tell him. . ." She paused when she saw her son frantically shaking his head, eyes wide.

"No, Mother, it was not Sepek who said that. It was. . ." he stopped, realizing too late that he had revealed more than he had intended of his secret pain to her.

"It was who, Spock? The other boys in school, the ones who torment you? Is that what you're not saying?"

He nodded, lowering his head so she could not see the pain in his eyes.

Sighing, she lifted her small son into her arms and settled him gently in her lap, pressing his head against her shoulder. Stroking his glossy cap of black hair, she rocked him gently in her arms.

When she finally felt his tense body relax against her, she lifted his flushed face so she could gaze into his eyes. "Listen to me, sweetheart. The truth is that your father and I wanted very much to have more children, but _Ohakausu_ Sorel and Dr. Corrigan advised against it.

"You see, because of the differences between Vulcan and Human physiology, I had a great deal of trouble carrying a hybrid Vulcan/human baby to term. I had several miscarriages before you were born.

"There were so many medical procedures that had to be performed on me when I was pregnant, so many drugs I had to take to prevent miscarriages and to ensure that the baby received the Vulcan nutrients my Human body couldn't provide, it all took a physical toll on my body - and at the same time, the stress and disappointment were taking an emotional toll on me especially, but on your father too.

"By the time you were conceived, we had all but given up. You were our miracle baby, so beautiful and such a fighter, right from the beginning. And when you were born, healthy and perfect, we thought our world was complete.

"Two years later, we decided we wanted to give you a little brother or sister, so we went through it all over again, the drugs, the medical procedures, the miscarriages.

"Finally, _Ohakausu_ Sorel and Dr. Corrigan sat your father and me down in their office one day and told us that all our efforts were putting too great a strain on my body and my emotional well-being. They advised us to be grateful for the healthy little boy we already had and move forward with our lives as a family.

"I didn't want to give up even then, but your father and I discussed the matter later that evening, and decided to accept their advice. And that is why we never had other children."

"But, Mother, why have you never told me this? I am old enough to understand."

Amanda's eyes shifted away from her son's. "Well, your father - that is, your father and I - thought that you weren't quite ready to hear about all the difficulties we went through trying to have a baby. But you know what your Grandmother Grayson always said to my brothers and me when we were little? She said: 'If you're old enough to ask the question, you're old enough to hear and understand the answer'."

She set her son on the floor but held onto his shoulders, gazing deeply into his eyes. "And Spock? As far as I'm concerned, you are the most wonderful boy on this world or any other. It was more than worth every medical procedure, every drug, every pain, every disappointment, we went through to have you in our lives. Aside from my marriage to your father, the day you were born was the happiest day of my life, and I'm so proud and grateful you're my little boy."

He gazed with unconcealed love at his beautiful mother. "_Ashau nash-veh tu, Ko-mekh. _I cherish thee, Mother_,_" he said softly.

She smiled and reached to caress his cheek. "And I love you, my son."

"Now, after all this talk," Amanda said briskly, straightening up from her chair, "I'm starving. I could use a snack." Holding her hand out to her little boy she continued, "What would you say to us going into the kitchen and cooking up some _kreyla_ together? Would you like that?"

After looking at her extended hand for a moment, Spock placed his small hand in hers and gazed up at her. "That would be acceptable, Mother."

And so mother and son walked down the hallway to the family kitchen, hand in hand, and, for that one moment in time, completely at peace with each other and the world.


End file.
